FUMI NAGASAKA

photographer ISSUE 1 2024 SS

Fumi Nagasaka is a Japanese photographer based in New York, shooting documentary photographs of people she meets in daily life. She listens to their unique life stories and aspirations, and is deeply inspired by the discoveries behind their narratives which fuels her work. For this interview exploring the theme of identity, Nagasaka selected six pairs of her friends who resonate with this　subject. Here are their portraits that only Nagasaka can capture, and their stories told through her sessions.

Bud, Ava & Violet

WALKER COUNTY, ALABAMA

BUD: Our daughter Violet was born in September 2022, which changed our lives completely. When we found out that Ava was pregnant, both of us were still in Dora high school here in Walker County, Alabama.

AVA: Bud was sixteen, and I was seventeen. How did I find out I was pregnant? I was not feeling well and did a pregnancy test which came back positive. When I went to see the doctor, I was already 8 weeks pregnant. How did I feel about it? It was mixed emotions. I cried because I was so scared and confused. I was a teenager and still in school, and had no idea how to tell my grandparents about it.

BUD: When I found out, I felt like I was pregnant as my stomach started hurting. First thing we did was to tell our family. My parents passed away in an accident when I was one, so I was raised by Anne,
my grandmother on my father's side. My grandparents on my mother's side also live in the same town and take care of Violet while Ava goes to work.

AVA: I was also raised by my grandparents. I had a twin sister who died in a car accident when we were small. Since then, my grandparents took care of me instead of my parents who weren't really around. My father was involved in a murder accident and died in 2019. Anyway, I was worried how my grandparents would take my pregnancy, but when I told them the news, they were very excited and supportive, especially my grandfather. Since my mother and uncle also had kids at a young age, my grandparents had experience with teen parents which was also very helpful.

BUD: As soon as Ava became pregnant, I started to work at the local fast food restaurant to earn money. After I got out of school at around 3pm, I went straight to work and came home past 9 or 10pm. On weekends I worked longer hours which was pretty hard. I don't work there anymore as I am now studying
accounting at UAB (University of Alabama at Birmingham). I come home from college around 3pm, Ava leaves for work and I take care of Violet. We try to manage ourselves with the help of our grandparents.

AVA: For now, I work as a waitress. We do our things at night after putting Violet to bed, and sometimes go out with our friends. As Violet got older, we have passed that stage where she constantly needed our attention, so we have more leeway to enjoy our social life. We still need support from our grandparents, but we feel a lot more confident and responsible as parents now.

BUD: Definitely more responsible. I used to focusonly on myself, but now Violet comes first before
anything.

AVA: That is so true. We put Violet first when we eat, shower or whatever, and always make sure that she is being taken care of. This makes me see the world in a different way, and I also feel it is important to relearn about myself as a woman, as my body has changed through pregnancy.

BUD: Our parents are not there for us as our role model, but we can learn so much from various parenting posts on Tik Tok these days. We mix them with our thoughts as well as with what our grandparents showed us when they raised us, and try to build our own parenting style. My goal is to earn enough money so that Ava doesn't have to work and that Violet can do whatever she wants. I don't know what kind of potential Violet has, but by seeing how active she is, I think a karate class would be good for her.

AVA: When Bud is done with college and is all set, I would like to start focusing on myself. I definitely want to go to college and study cosmetology and business, and hopefully do my own business in the future. It would be great to have one or two more kids too.

BUD: Yeah, we don't want to keep our kids too far apart from each other, so that they can grow up together. My parenting goal is to get a job to make enough money to have our own place and a stable life, and to make sure that my family is well and happy.

Nigel

THE BRONX, NEW YORK

I am a photographer as well as a lighting director for photographers and filmmakers. However, I don't like to call myself a photographer; I like to keep it a bit fuzzy. I simply like to make things and photography is just one of my activities. I was 14 when I first picked up a camera. I studied graphic design at high school and then traveled the world, having all kinds of crazy experiences. The Middle East, Africa, North Africa...There was a coup d'etat in Egypt and the region was pretty sketchy around that time. As a personal project, I'm documenting Japanese festivals. My interest in Japan began when I visited around 2017 with a friend.
We saw some Japanese cultural events and were curious as to why the Japanese did not photograph the scenery there. This is where I became really interested in traditional Japanese culture. The following year I visited Japan again and photographed a lot of local people, but realized that cultural events were much more interesting than portraits. I found myself drawn to festivals from there and have continued a project where I regularly travel to Japan to photograph festivals.

Japanese festivals are so alluring, the last bastion of traditional culture, unfettered by European or American influences. It is also interesting to note that these traditions are still popular today. Like the Onbashira festival, during which people are loaded onto logs that slide down a slope, or the Nebuta festival in Aomori. The names escape me, but I went to a lot of festivals, including in Okayama and Osaka. There are so many festivals in Japan that it's hard to choose, so I usually seek out the older ones. Either the traditional Kyoto style or the more violent ones where the portable shrines collide with each other. Nebuta used to be crazy, but now it has become commercialized and nothing much happens. That's why I want to witness the old school festivals. Japan can be dull, but everyone comes alive during traditional festivals. I love seeing them in that mode, a far cry from everyday life. The locals are taken aback by the sight of a black man like me, but once they realize that we are interested in Japanese culture, they open right up. Even if we don't speak each other's language, I understand about 30 words in Japanese, which does the job. My next trip will be to the Sanja Festival in Asakusa. It's a big yakuza festival and I want to film their clan.

I was born in the Bronx, and spent most of my teens there. When I was a kid, Brooklyn had the highest crime rate, while the Bronx had the highest poverty rate. While it's still quite poor today, you can walk around pretty much anywhere. But in the area where I lived, if you were black, you couldn't set foot in certain places because the whites would beat you up.

I have traveled all over the world and in Japan I have found many places where I can truly relax. Japan is one of the best places I've been; I regret that I never made it there in the 90s. Everyone nowadays is kind of neutral and bored. Everything and everyone is the same. Listening to tales from the 90s, I realize how crazy and exciting Shinjuku was. When I was growing up, nobody wanted to live in the Bronx, they didn't want to be there because it was dangerous and dirty. So it's the same in Japan, where the 80s and 90s were the golden years for photographers, artists and films. When the bubble burst, instead of Japan becoming safer, the economy went downhill. The population is decreasing and it has become an old people's country, so a lot of foreigners are pouring in. I think it's going to be a difficult situation for young people. What was good about Japan in the 1980s and 1990s was that the younger generation, who grew up in the post-war period when the country was in the doldrums, got the country going again. I think we'll see a repeat of that situation. I felt like car culture had died in Japan, but looking at Instagram, I feel like car culture is thriving in regional cities and the countryside. So I think you will start to see the resurgence of some of that old-fashioned creativity in the smaller towns.

My favorite Japanese photographer is Katsumi Watanabe. Taka Mayumi is also cool. An all-time favorite is Irving Penn. He shot reportage, portraits, fashion, still life, the whole lot. That's what makes a good photographer from my point of view. Good photographers enjoy photography. I think photographers should be free and no one should dictate what they can do.

Majestic

BROOKLYN, NEW YORK

I joined the navy at 18 and deployed to a base in Japan. While life in the military was hard work, I was just happy to be able to come to Japan while still a teenager. I first spent 3.5 years in Sasebo in Nagasaki Prefecture, and was fully involved in military life. I was then transferred to Yokosuka, where I could immerse myself fully in Japanese culture. I was living in Yokohama and commuting to the base, so I used to go and hang out in Shibuya. I made friends with someone online and through their introductions I soon became friends with all sorts of people. At the weekends we would go to CONTACT and another club that I have forgotten the name of. One thing I do remember fondly is going for dinner before hitting the town. I would often dine alone at restaurants like Gyukaku or Shimatake. While there were times when I would eat with my friends, I strongly recall going to restaurants alone. Gyukaku would always have jazz playing in the background which I loved listening to.

Mind you, I’ve never felt any pride whatsoever about being in the Navy; the fact of being black inside of the U.S. government system. For a long time I really struggled internally with how to get to grips with that feeling. But despite it all I was very fortunate to end up in Japan and to make friends with all sorts of people. I had so many good times there. I spent time with people who shared my hobbies of music and art, and went to a lot of cool parties.  Come to think of it, we once went hiking on Mt.Fuji and it was so cold I thought I was going to freeze to death, ha ha. After my period of service was over in Japan, I went back to my hometown of Detroit and then moved up to New York. People said Detroit was dangerous, and I think that’s basically true. In the city there is gang violence, drug crime, police corruption..all kinds of stuff. Someone in my extended family got involved in the drug business which has always served as a lesson for me and my siblings about what not to do. When I was a child, I was bullied because my skin was darker than the black people around me. Even within the black community, having dark skin is a target of discrimination. Because of this, I often spent my time at home playing games and reading comics. It was a pretty lonely childhood.

I came to New York because I’ve always been interested in fashion and art. I initially began design studies at Borough of Manhattan Community College, which is run by the City University of New York. If you've been in the military, there's support for a free college education. The other reason I got into a free college was because of the rent assistance. Rent in New York is still expensive, though. I am now living in Flatbush with my partner Asha. She is also from Detroit - that's how we became close, but the big thing is that with her I can be myself.

 ️Life in New York is expensive and sometimes I feel like I’m losing sight of my purpose - right now I'm working part-time as a dishwasher while thinking over different possibilities. I find myself thinking more about who I am than about what I want to do in the future. I have a lot of things going on in my head, like computer games and art. I think I can do something by bringing all these genres together. So my current vision is to shape my own path while continuing to explore each of the above. I don't want to go down a path that is already prepared, I want to create my own. I feel that the creative field is changing a lot, but it is still a world with high hurdles for black folk. If we look at society as a whole, there are even fewer things provided for our own community. But I don't consider it a closed door.  And I've met some wonderful people so far.  I think it just means that the obstacles are lying right in front of us.  So I'm just trying to learn how to navigate through it and help others like myself who come next.

Emme

NEW YORK, NEW YORK

I was born in Louisville, Kentucky, and attended　Savannah College of　Art and Design in Savannah,　Georgia. In my third year, I decided to go study in Hong Kong, but ended up coming back to Georgia shortly after due to the political unrest between Hong Kong and China. I finished my degree during the pandemic, moved in with my partner and lived in Dallas, LA, and settled down in New York in April, 2022.

I enjoyed my days in Hong Kong very much. I also visited Tokyo, Seoul and the Philippines, maybe ten different countries in total. It was a great opportunity for me to travel and learn about the world and realize where I stand. In the United States, if you were interested in Asian cultures, all you can do was to go to museums and study yourself. My father is Lebanese, and my mother is Polish, so we were very traditional in terms of family, traditions and celebrations.

When I was a child, my mother and my family decided what I should wear. Everything they wanted to put me in was a dress and I just hated it. I remember dragging my mother to the boy's section through the store. I got along with my brother well, and most of my friends were all boys and if they were not, they were tomboys or what would be called non-binary today. One of them actually transitioned and is now male. I was never interested in the feminine stuff like having the nails done or putting on make-up.

The first person I ever had a crush on was a girl. I got so obsessed with her and tried so hard to get her phone number. But as I got older, I was more influenced by the groups of kids around me. I did have crushes on boys too, because that's what I thought I was supposed to do. Eventually as a teenager, I started to realize that maybe I wasn't straight or I never was.

When I was thirteen, my mother walked in on me kissing another girl and that is how she found out. I could not face my father with my truth so I made my mother tell him instead. He was very masculine and a man of the house, so I think he may have had a little trouble accepting it at the beginning. I was thirteen and probably very young about coming out about my sexuality or my gender. A lot more people are open about it at a later age. Now, I think people in my generation are more open to trying something new because we have broken out of that parental and societal kind of opinion.

I did not really come out to anyone after that. If someone had asked me, I would answer, but I did not post it on social media or anything. Straight people do not need to go out there and say, "Hello everyone! By the way, I love the opposite sex!" right? A lot of my friends were very supportive about it. I never really had anyone say mean things to me, but I felt a weird barrier with some people who had probably felt shunned or that our relationship had changed. It was definitely a little heartbreaking, but it also helped me to understand how it made me feel about being gay. It made me feel more ready to find the right people.

I started modeling when I was thirteen. My hair was very long, and I had muscles and curves. I did not like my boobs and hips and I was really confused when people told me I had great physical assets. I could not cut my hair the way I wanted, and I had to quit playing sports to become less muscular. So, I ended my modeling contracts completely and moved to Hong Kong. There, I went to a barber shop for the first time and had my hair cut to the length I really wanted. Since then, I am simply trying to be who I really want to be, and now more people in the modeling industry say that I have such a cool look.

Moving to New York was always a goal. I don't know what my next goal would be, but I really would like to be a creative director of some sort one day. I want to educate people on the fact that they are not alone. I'm feeling confident and proud of what I've done so far in my own life, but it would have been even better to have a community and I have yet to really put in the work to find a community here that is gender support focused. Because I think gender questioning is very deep, emotional, and alone.

One time when I was in a public bathroom washing my hands, a group of girls came in and started giggling to each other, saying if they were in the wrong bathroom. It was so clear that they were talking about me, but none of them actually came up to me and asked. Another time I had an older woman come up to me and ask me if she was in the wrong bathroom. It makes me feel frustrated and embarrassed but at the same time I feel responsible for making them feel uncomfortable. It would be great to have more gender-neutral bathrooms with complete privacy. If you are struggling to be who you really are, my advice would be to go to a place that makes you feel comfortable and find people that make you feel like you can be yourself. You can also look for queer people or those who identify similarly on social media. If you find them, follow them, listen to their message and let that empower you or lead the way.

Luiza

BROOKLYN, NEW YORK

I was born in the Azorean islands of Portugal, and moved to the United States with my family around the age of 10. We started living in Fall River, Massachusetts, and our grandparents also came to join us soon after. I started raising money by selling pot, and when I was 17, I met my first boyfriend who was also selling pot. By the time I got to college, which was during the hippie days, I met my first girlfriend who was a member of this group devoted to the alternative lifestyle and hippie culture.

I had realized I was a lesbian, which led me to Provincetown in Massachusetts. Provincetown was known for its diverse community and was very LGBTQ friendly. It was a home for an eclectic mix of fisherman, artists, writers and painters. The population tripled during the summer with tourists coming for resorts and parties. I was busy partying everyday with people like Nan Goldin the photographer and Cookie Mueller the actor long before they became famous.

Then, I moved to Boston and worked as a call girl. I ended up dating a drug dealer guy I met at that time and traveled around Asia on his business. After travelling around Hong Kong, Taiwan and Macau with my boyfriend who was in the drug business, I moved back to San Francisco. I still remember when we went to Hugh Hefner's lavishing party held at his Playboy Mansions. I was with my drug dealer boyfriend for about three years, but the relationship was very open. I did not even sleep with him after a while but we called each other partners. Then, I started seeing another woman, moving from one place to another. Oh, I also got my license as a colonic therapist during this time. Everyone was into alternative medicine back in those days.

At the end of the 80s, I moved to New York. I bought myself an apartment above Barneys, got into Parsons to study architecture, and worked as a call girl again. One day, when I went to a clinic to get myself tested for HIV, they offered me a job as a counselor. I immediately said yes. I ran counseling groups and support groups for the clients. Most of my clients were gay men and prostitutes, but also many wives who were afraid that they could have gotten it from their husbands who were sleeping with prostitutes. About 60% of the test results came back HIV positive for gay men.

After that I came back to Massachusetts and continued working as an HIV specialist coordinator for a couple of years. At the same time, I became interested in art and attended an art school. This is when I met my partner Lian through her ex-girlfriend. Lian and I used to party and get drunk a lot. Compared to those days, my everyday life now has become very simple. We love spending our time with our dogs, coloring books for meditation, and.. with coffee, of course. As a Portuguese I just love coffee. I can even say that all I need in my life is coffee and a coffee machine. Because of the pandemic, I feel like I have stayed in for too long. I want to start getting back into the world, seeing people and travelling again. I think I need more physical experience and to be more vibrant. Oh, I just went to a Patti Smith concert which was a start. I am also interested in getting more involved in animal rescue projects. I love being around animals more than people, you know.

What I believe in life is something like this: Don't be scared to listen to your inside. Ask yourself what you really want to do, and how you really want to be. Focus more on taking one step forward. If it doesn't work out, look for another path and take another step. Also, surround yourself with good and supporting friends. Life has so many things to offer. If you want it, you can make it happen. Just think of your life that way.

Michael & Zac

PENSACOLA, FLORIDA

MICHAEL: I was born and raised in Pensacola. Now I live with Zac, working at a juice bar in downtown but I'm looking for a new job. How did I meet Zac? We were texting each other on and off, and later I got into Zac's high school and we started to spend a lot of time together.

ZAC: What is so great about living in Florida? It's the beach, of course. We can go down there in an hour. When I was a child, I used to move around Alabama, Georgia and a few other states. There were times when we lived in a motel where my mom worked, and a school bus would come to the motel to pick me and my siblings up. Life was very tough back then because of my dad. He is just a terrible person. When both of my parents spent time in jail, my grandparents took care of me. Now I work at a vet and also have my band The Taints. Pensacola has a very unique punk scene, and I know I can push more to make it bigger. I have been writing my songs about teenage sexuality and being gay. I can't sing some of them anymore because I am no longer a teenager. By the way I work at the vet where my mom works as a receptionist. Do I like animals? Of course! As I am talking to Fumi now on Zoom, we have our dog and cat here with us.

MICHAEL: Fumi has met my snake before, right? His name is Damien and is so cute. How was my childhood life? Well, it was pretty tough too. I was raised in a very Catholic family who go to church twice a week. Being gay was out of the question. I went to a very religious middle school, which had the most ridiculous rules. The students were forced to sign a contract, forbidding them to listen to secular music and participate in any activities related to gay or lesbian. Do you know what "secular" means? Secular music is non-Christian music, which means everything else including rock and punk are all forbidden. It was absolutely crazy. People at school saw me as gay and were very mean to me. But the worst was my dad. When he accidentally heard me come out to my mom about being gay, he actually took out a knife from our kitchen and chased me in rage. I can laugh about it now, but it was very intense back then. I even suffered from depression.

ZAC: Because your dad was so insane.

Michael: Yeah, my parents did not like the fact that I was gay. But as I get older, I understand myself better and I've gotten over my depression. I tried different medications but they didn't work. Instead, I now do more inner work, and try to believe in and to be kind to myself. It is so easy to forget, but taking good care of yourself is really important. As for my future, I'd like to do more travelling. I also want to pour myself into art, as I love drawing and sculpturing. I used to do glass blowing too. What I'm interested in right now is astrology. It is like an ancient gift with so many different aspects, and there is so much to learn.

ZAC: I just want to keep playing music and pushing my band. My favorite musicians are James Brown, Michael Jackson, Siouxsie Sioux and The Jam. If I could, I want to go on a tour across the country,
hitting up cities like New York, Philadelphia and Boston. Also, I'd like to study marine biology which was my childhood dream. But most of all, I want to show people how important it is to express themselves. I hate to see people who are bored with life and just wasting their time. I believe that silence is death. We must not be afraid to show who we really are and to speak up for what we really believe in.

MICHAEL: I completely agree. No one should put you down, not even your family. If you know what is important to you, keep it close, water it and let it grow like a flower. You don't need to share everything with everyone. Don't let society tell you who you should be, because you will just end up in that hamster wheel trap. You have to live your truth.

ZAC: Lastly, just one piece of advice. You have everything you need to get what you want. I want to share this with those who may be struggling growing up and being gay in traditional Japanese culture. Use what you got to get what you want. Point blank period.